Life’s trials seem to move slowly. One grows weary as they pass. But our lives are but moment, and not long, do they last. The tests that one goes through, we endure, and not succumb. But they are not worthy, to be compared, to the glory, that will come. *
via It Moves Slowly — Lantern Words I watched in pain as my daughter moved to the world of the unknown. I have spent the past year in pain but today the #Lantern Words are here to give the joy of the Lord’s promise and His words. To God be the glory.
We visited Elmwood Cemetery to laugh, cry and soothe our souls with My Girl Mic Leslie sweet memories. I want my writing to be as bold as she was in life. I thank the Lord for my children who worked very hard to make my May Month Birth celebration a sweet memory. It was my best party ever and the fellowship was unbelievable. I thought about all the stories we take to the cemetery with every visit. It is important to me that I write about her even when it seems I am dwelling on the memories.
It is the 03:00 hour and I see this fan that my GirlMic Leslie’s friend brought back from Spain. He presented it to me at the time of her funeral and home going celebration. He said that he had promised to bring her a gift. I sit here feeling very lonely and so I am writing my “Doing Something Different” segment on the page I have dedicated to her memory. These 100 words are sometimes the way that my prayers are answered as God helps me through the night. I believe the Word from Psalm 40 that He will lift me up today.
08:35: The Plan of Action is discussed by Dr. Walker and Christy, who is her nurse for the 7am to 7pm shift.They tell me that she will get more platelets and then Doctor Walker will place the tracheostomy tube. Christy hung the Platelets at 10:45 and the tracheostomy tube was placed at 1:30 pm without difficulty. My GirlMic/Leslie is sleeping and now I am able to see her face and mouth. I thanked the Lord for this marvelous day and read Proverbs 16: 23 “The heart of the wise teaches his mouth and adds learning to his lips.” I continue to pray for her healing.strength.
The good news of this day is that my GirlMic/Leslie tolerated over two hours of pressure support weaning. It seemed that the platelets were moving up as she she started with a count of 6 and after being treated, the platelet count went to 50. I think that I had become so focused on these monitor and lab numbers so I started to just talk to her nurse Stephanie about outside activities and family life. My journal entry was short and I did a vital sign check and wrote down her B/P 121/81 and HR 109, SP02 100, RR 23 and then I left the building.
Phyllis, my Ruth Circle Missionary leader came and left a sweet message (we are praying for you, Love) in Leslie’s journal. Today’s events included an x-ray, five doctors, Doug visiting and nursing care by Stephanie and Marquis. Dr. Andrews came as weekend Intensive Care and Dr. Mullins came in for Dr. Muir who is the hematologist. Dr. Threlkeld, Kraus and Dr. Shermer were also making rounds. Dr. Shermer explained that the the notes indicated pancytemic due to cytoxin and that her platelets were down to 31. These words disturbed me because it is what I have been saying for twenty-five days.
The nurses who were a part in Leslie’s day were Anna and Julie. Her blood sugar was up to 200 and the other lab values were addressed and more treatments started. Two Doctors mentioned the need for a tracheostomy tube to help weaning her off the ventilator. I spoke to Greg to share and my concern because her monitors indicate her B/P is elevated more and there is some more adjusting of medications and treatment. Daniel provided her respiratory treatments. Today we had a visit from my friend Hattie and her daughter Faye and this helped me.
Today is a very difficult day physically and emotionally. Nurse Chrissie is here. Dr Kraus and his nurse Debbie is here. Brenda and Douglas called. It is now 3pm and we go back into the cold dark day of Leslie having to go back on the ventilator. She has struggled and is now requiring 2 units of blood and platelets. I am concerned with the dark stools and a distinct odor of GI bleeding. I ask about this change since she is requiring blood. I leave her with Greg, Robert and Valerie at 5:30 pm and I am praying for her restoration.
Today is a face mask day as we pray for Leslie’s continued progress after intubation. I wished I could see her smile but it is covered. I look into her big beautiful eyes as I talk to her about how happy we are to see the tube out. The lung doctor came in at 06:45 and Leslie was put on binasal oxygen and at last we could see her mouth. It was around 09:30 when I saw her mouth moving and I got close enough to hear her say, “I want to go home.” I believe it was her telling us goodbye.
The highlight of our day was the calls and visits from two deacons, Stone and Anderson and one of Leslie’s friend and clients, Annette. I also talked to one of my WWOW guests, Dionne so it was not as long and lonely as the other days. Doctors came in and assessed her . One of the nurses who had cared for her during her early days was back. We were optimistic at 08:30 as they turned Leslie’s sedation down in preparation for the weaning trials. It was 10:00 when the RT said she was having difficulty breathing and again the weaning was unsuccessful.